Browsing profile after profile, I've noticed a few major faux pas that dudes tend to do while attempting the online thing. It's a weird experience, because it really is like shopping for a boyfriend. Or like interviewing for a job - it all feels really false. I get the tactics that guys resort to when trying to meet someone, but maybe if they follow the below suggestions I have, they might have better luck.
- Always post a picture of yourself. No exceptions. Looks aren't supposed to matter, but they do. You have to be attracted to your (potential) partner if you want a romantic and sexual connection to them. If you don't post a picture, then you pretty much will not hear from anyone, ever. Maybe it's shallow, but that's unfortunatetly the way it is. If you have privacy concerns, maybe online dating isn't for you. If you don't think you're attractive enough...well, ask for help. Ask a friend to help pick the best picture(s) of you. Or if you have a friend who is into photography, get them to set up a mini photo shoot for they can get your "best angles." Just be careful not to photoshop - posting a picture of an airbrushed you might get you a date, but it won't get you a second! Also, consider this - if you don't upload a picture, it makes us think you have something to hide!
- Be somewhat creative in your photo selections. Most sites will recommend posting a couple of pictures. However, when they give this advice, I don't think they consider posting 4 shots of you in the exact same pose - usually a picture of yourself taken with your camera phone, looking at the mirror - really counts as multiple pictures. I've come across a surprisingly large amount of profiles where I've seen this. And no, it's not the case of accidentally uploading the same picture twice - in some, the guy is wearing different outfits. Doing this makes you look lazy and uncreative. I tend to respond more to the profiles where the guy has a bunch of photos of himself in a few different scenarios - it makes him look livelier and more approachable and fun. Much more so than that sullen man in the mirror.
- Let me see your face. Perhaps the only thing worse than not uploading a picture is uploading a picture that gives me no idea whatsoever about what you look like. Yes, I've seen many a profile where the guy's face is obscured, blurry, far away, etc. Falling into the same category as the no picture people, keeping yourself a mystery will decrease your chances of finding Ms. Right.
- Don't upload a picture of you surrounded by other women. No, you're not making me jealous. But when you post pictures of you with a bunch of other girls - worse if you're clearly at a bar - it makes you look at worst depserate to prove you can attract a woman's attention and a best a player.
- Avoid posting pictures of you looking wasted. If you're actually serious about finding someone, and not just for the night, I recommend you think twice about posting that "hiliarious" picture of you totally trashed at a party. I mean, look. We've all partied. We've all gotten drunk. There are tons of hilarious and hilariously bad photos of me at parties over the years, and I love them. But I would never put them on a dating site. Coming across as a big party animal could work against you, especially once you've hit a certain age. Think about it this way - a lot of people say they try online dating to avoid the bar scene....so please leave it there!
- Choose your screen name wisely. A lot of the free sites make you pick your username, and that's fine. But just so you know, names like Mr. Niceguy and Lookin4Luv come off as surprisingly sleazy.
- Put at least some effort into your profile. Filling those suckers out can be annoying and tedious, I know. The questios they ask are usually pretty goofy. But when you clearly haven't put any effort in - answering "I don't know" or "I'll fill this out later" - you will be turning off a lot of potential mates. If you don't put in the effort to make yourself look appealing, no one will make the effort to get to know you.
- Use proper spelling and grammar. I know that English isn't everyone's firtst language, and I get that it's not everyone's strong suit. That's fine. And maybe this the grammar snob in me but when I see someone write stuff like "u look hott" or use "da" instead of "the" and "wid" instead of "with," I cringe. Then I delete your message.
- DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COPY AND PASTE THE SAME MESSAGE TO A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT WOMEN. This is the big one, so pay attenion. Guys: we can always tell when you do this. The jig, she is up. I will automatically delete any messages from someone who didn't bother to read my profile. You clearly aren't that interested in me and you didn't put any effort whatsoever, so why do you think I should bother with you? It's intimidating, breaking that ice. I get it. But doing the old copy and paste is no way to do it.
And as a new mini-feature, I'm going to start posting any hilarious messages I get from guys. Let's start with this gem:
Women in my height range are exceedingly hard to find, especially ones as gorgeous as you
It shouldn't surprise you to learn that this guy has the word "massive" in his username.
