Return to Sender: The Redux

You guys. You guys. I have an amusing online dating episode to fill you in on. With pictures! To quote Julie Andrews, let's start from the very beginning...

This morning, I wake up to this message sitting in my inbox:

Normally, I delete this messages right away, but I was intrigued. Not by what he was saying, but his persona. I wanted to see what this guy - this guy who is essentially a 10/100 for me - looked like and what his personality was like. So I clicked on his profile, and came across this gem:

I think he may be a stoner. Possibly. It's not clear. Also, I'm curious if movies or the beach have contacted him yet.

I'm not against pot - I've even done it a few times, but decided I'm a good old-fashioned girl and prefer to get hammered instead. But I'm definitely not a huge pothead and probably wouldn't date someone who is. It's just the amount of references he makes to it is hilariously absurd. (That, and he can't live without sexy underwear. I bet he looks pretty in it.)

At this point, I couldn't resist. I had a hunch, but I needed to confirm it with my own eyes. So I checked out some of his answers, and, well. See for yourself. (He's blue, I'm purple. Sorry about my terrible box drawing skills.)

Clearly a match made in heaven.

Yeeeeah. Look, if that's the kind of lifestyle you want to lead, be my guest. Seriously, I won't judge you for it. It's just that I am clearly not looking for it at this point in my life anymore. It is a little frustrating to get messages from guys who haven't put in any effort or research into messaging me, because a quick scroll through my profile tells you everything you need to know about what I'm looking for. It's such a disappointment to see someone sent you a message only to get a form letter, especially from someone whose wants and needs are so completely opposite of yours.

Still, you've got to make the best out of a bad situation. I replied, and then he messaged me back in the following exchange:

Well, at least he didn't call me ugly.

Ladies and gents, I present to you: My case for dating older guys. "Old as fuck" as I may be - I'm like 5 or 6 years older than him, depending on when his birthday is - at least I did not fail to grasp basic reading comprehension skills as this poor young chap did. My age is stated clearly on my profile and I clearly fall out of the age bracket he set for himself. I guess I should take it as a compliment that he was so blown away by my beauty, he missed my age listed right beside my profile picture?

Actually, how did he even come across my profile? We wouldn't have been matched up. I wouldn't have shown up based on his preferred age perimeters. Did he really just copy and paste that charming little message to girls who live in the same city as him? He's so desperate for a bang that his only qualification was "near by"? Eurgh. The more I think about it, the more skeezed out and less amused I am by this guy. Any residual guilt I have for even taking the bait has suddenly vanished.

Love Gods, do me a solid and send me someone who is actually cool. I think you kind of owe me.