Return to Sender: The Redux

You guys. You guys. I have an amusing online dating episode to fill you in on. With pictures! To quote Julie Andrews, let's start from the very beginning...

This morning, I wake up to this message sitting in my inbox:

Normally, I delete this messages right away, but I was intrigued. Not by what he was saying, but his persona. I wanted to see what this guy - this guy who is essentially a 10/100 for me - looked like and what his personality was like. So I clicked on his profile, and came across this gem:

I think he may be a stoner. Possibly. It's not clear. Also, I'm curious if movies or the beach have contacted him yet.

I'm not against pot - I've even done it a few times, but decided I'm a good old-fashioned girl and prefer to get hammered instead. But I'm definitely not a huge pothead and probably wouldn't date someone who is. It's just the amount of references he makes to it is hilariously absurd. (That, and he can't live without sexy underwear. I bet he looks pretty in it.)

At this point, I couldn't resist. I had a hunch, but I needed to confirm it with my own eyes. So I checked out some of his answers, and, well. See for yourself. (He's blue, I'm purple. Sorry about my terrible box drawing skills.)

Clearly a match made in heaven.

Yeeeeah. Look, if that's the kind of lifestyle you want to lead, be my guest. Seriously, I won't judge you for it. It's just that I am clearly not looking for it at this point in my life anymore. It is a little frustrating to get messages from guys who haven't put in any effort or research into messaging me, because a quick scroll through my profile tells you everything you need to know about what I'm looking for. It's such a disappointment to see someone sent you a message only to get a form letter, especially from someone whose wants and needs are so completely opposite of yours.

Still, you've got to make the best out of a bad situation. I replied, and then he messaged me back in the following exchange:

Well, at least he didn't call me ugly.

Ladies and gents, I present to you: My case for dating older guys. "Old as fuck" as I may be - I'm like 5 or 6 years older than him, depending on when his birthday is - at least I did not fail to grasp basic reading comprehension skills as this poor young chap did. My age is stated clearly on my profile and I clearly fall out of the age bracket he set for himself. I guess I should take it as a compliment that he was so blown away by my beauty, he missed my age listed right beside my profile picture?

Actually, how did he even come across my profile? We wouldn't have been matched up. I wouldn't have shown up based on his preferred age perimeters. Did he really just copy and paste that charming little message to girls who live in the same city as him? He's so desperate for a bang that his only qualification was "near by"? Eurgh. The more I think about it, the more skeezed out and less amused I am by this guy. Any residual guilt I have for even taking the bait has suddenly vanished.

Love Gods, do me a solid and send me someone who is actually cool. I think you kind of owe me.

Notes from Cupid (Return to Sender)

As a follow up to my previous entry, here are some legit messages I've gotten from the dating site I have joined:

I read your profile and noticed something that I can't say about many girls on this website, you actually have a personality. Strike that and I'll take it one step further, you actually have a pulse. 

I've read vanilla profile after white bread profile on this website and came to believe I was dealing mostly with robots. And nobody wants to date a robot, they are made of metal and have claws.

This made me legitimately laugh out loud. I love, love LOVE the irony and unintentional humour here. This dude, who is going on about not being vanilla, not being a robot sends me the most generic, impersonal message there could be! He doesn't point out what it is about me that speaks to him, he doesn't mention my real name which is literally the second line of my profile, nor does he even mention my damn user name! He obviously copied & pasted this to me and some other non-vanilla ladies out there. The irony, it burns.

I actually wrote back and called him out on it. Not in a mean or bitchy way, but I made sure to point out how hilariously ironic it is. If he writes back, I'll post his response, too.

Another one:

Saw your profile and like to know more of you. It means a lot and like to know u better. I will be glad if you don't mind, just want to say that have not seen anybody's profile has soft and warm before but its means a lot and its real that is why I like your profile .Hope u happiness in your life and hope to know u . Thanks for putting your profile ,if not I will not see someone like you.

This is a bit of cheap shot, since English isn't his first language. I do feel a bit bad for posting this, because I don't like to be mean-spiritied (for the most part, heh). It's actually quite sweet, from what I can tell. I'm glad it means a lot.

Annnd:

Hi, I'm (name deleted). You seem like a cool girl that I'd definitely click with. I was wondering what type of things you like to do for fun?

I love the contradiction - how can I be someone you'd click with if you don't know what my basic hobbies and interests are?

There are a bunch more, but most of them are the same old generic copy & paste (Hi how are u? is pretty common). Anything superbly interesting and unique, I'll let you know!

Guidelines of Online Dating

Happy 2013, all! I wanted to start out the new year with a fun post. I've decided to get back out there in the dating world, but since I'm rather limited in options in my "every day" life, I would try the online dating thing. I've done it before, long ago, but I'm back in it.

Browsing profile after profile, I've noticed a few major faux pas that dudes tend to do while attempting the online thing. It's a weird experience, because it really is like shopping for a boyfriend. Or like interviewing for a job - it all feels really false. I  get the tactics that guys resort to when trying to meet someone, but maybe if they follow the below suggestions I have, they might have better luck.

• Always post a picture of yourself. No exceptions. Looks aren't supposed to matter, but they do. You have to be attracted to your (potential) partner if you want a romantic and sexual connection to them. If you don't post a picture, then you pretty much will not hear from anyone, ever. Maybe it's shallow, but that's unfortunatetly the way it is. If you have privacy concerns, maybe online dating isn't for you. If you don't think you're attractive enough...well, ask for help. Ask a friend to help pick the best picture(s) of you. Or if you have a friend who is into photography, get them to set up a mini photo shoot for they can get your "best angles." Just be careful not to photoshop - posting a picture of an airbrushed you might get you a date, but it won't get you a second! Also, consider this - if you don't upload a picture, it makes us think you have something to hide!
• Be somewhat creative in your photo selections. Most sites will recommend posting a couple of pictures. However, when they give this advice, I don't think they consider posting 4 shots of you in the exact same pose - usually a picture of yourself taken with your camera phone, looking at the mirror - really counts as multiple pictures. I've come across a surprisingly large amount of profiles where I've seen this. And no, it's not the case of accidentally uploading the same picture twice - in some, the guy is wearing different outfits. Doing this makes you look lazy and uncreative. I tend to respond more to the profiles where the guy has a bunch of photos of himself in a few different scenarios - it makes him look livelier and more approachable and fun. Much more so than that sullen man in the mirror.
• Let me see your face. Perhaps the only thing worse than not uploading a picture is uploading a picture that gives me no idea whatsoever about what you look like. Yes, I've seen many a profile where the guy's face is obscured, blurry, far away, etc. Falling into the same category as the no picture people, keeping yourself a mystery will decrease your chances of finding Ms. Right.
• Don't upload a picture of you surrounded by other women. No, you're not making me jealous. But when you post pictures of you with a bunch of other girls - worse if you're clearly at a bar - it makes you look at worst depserate to prove you can attract a woman's attention and a best a player.
• Avoid posting pictures of you looking wasted. If you're actually serious about finding someone, and not just for the night, I recommend you think twice about posting that "hiliarious" picture of you totally trashed at a party. I mean, look. We've all partied. We've all gotten drunk. There are tons of hilarious and hilariously bad photos of me at parties over the years, and I love them. But I would never put them on a dating site. Coming across as a big party animal could work against you, especially once you've hit a certain age. Think about it this way - a lot of people say they try online dating to avoid the bar scene....so please leave it there!
• Choose your screen name wisely. A lot of the free sites make you pick your username, and that's fine. But just so you know, names like Mr. Niceguy and Lookin4Luv come off as surprisingly sleazy.
• Put at least some effort into your profile. Filling those suckers out can be annoying and tedious, I know. The questios they ask are usually pretty goofy. But when you clearly haven't put any effort in - answering "I don't know" or "I'll fill this out later" - you will be turning off a lot of potential mates. If you don't put in the effort to make yourself look appealing, no one will make the effort to get to know you.
• Use proper spelling and grammar. I know that English isn't everyone's firtst language, and I get that it's not everyone's strong suit. That's fine. And maybe this the grammar snob in me but when I see someone write stuff like "u look hott" or use "da" instead of "the" and "wid" instead of "with," I cringe. Then I delete your message.
• DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, COPY AND PASTE THE SAME MESSAGE TO A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT WOMEN. This is the big one, so pay attenion. Guys: we can always tell when you do this. The jig, she is up. I will automatically delete any messages from someone who didn't bother to read my profile. You clearly aren't that interested in me and you didn't put any effort whatsoever, so why do you think I should bother with you? It's intimidating, breaking that ice. I get it. But doing the old copy and paste is no way to do it.

So if you follow my advice, you might have better luck in the jungle of online dating. It's daunting out there, I know,  but there are ways to make it a little less so. Really, all you need to do is write a nice, concise profile, and put a little effort into the messages you send. The worst that can happen is the person won't write back. Go forth, my darlings!

And as a new mini-feature, I'm going to start posting any hilarious messages I get from guys. Let's start with this gem:

Women in my height range are exceedingly hard to find, especially ones as gorgeous as you

It shouldn't surprise you to learn that this guy has the word "massive" in his username.

Cory & Topanga are back!

It's official - Cory & Topanga are back! Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel have confirmed they will be a part of the Boy Meets World spinoff, Girl Meets World.

Any doubts I've had have been cleared up by Danielle's sweet tumblr post. It makes me happy to know that she and the others involved in BMW care so deeply about the show and only want to make GMW just as good.

As for other returnees? That's still up in the air, although something tells me we won't be seeing too many familiar faces. Characters I'd love to see return:

• Shawn. A no-brainer for obvious reasons. While I'd love for him to be a series regular, I've heard Rider Strong isn't too interested in reprising the role.
• Eric. Again, for obvious reasons. Will Friedle has had a lot of success as a voice-over actor and I've heard he's not too keen on doing much "regular" acting anymore.
• Mr. Feeny. The incredible William Daniels has been acting again recently, having just done a stint on Grey's Anatomy (spoiler alert: he dies. I literally cannot watch him dying because it's too upsetting for me to see Mr. Feeny drop dead). I'm not entirely sure how his character would really work on the show other than a guest spot, I would actually cry tears of joy if he popped up, even for a minte, in an episode.
• Jack. Duh, I was only in love with his character. The problem is, his character on its own doesn't make a lot of sense, so he'd have to be there with Eric or even Rachel.
• Minkus! How freaking hilarious would it be if MINKUS was also a teacher and also Cory's foil? Extremely, that's how!

If nothing else, I would love to see a mini-reunion in the pilot, like they did with Degrassi: The Next Generation. Even if it's just for the one episode to get people to watch, it would be a tiny bit magical to see these guys back together.

Make it happen, Disney!

Also, coming soon: a brand new recap!

Boy Meets World: The Sequel

     So as everyone probably knows by know, there's talk of Boy Meets World 2: Girl Meets World. Even better is that they would like Ben and Danielle to reprise their roles as Cory and Topanga.

     The big BMW nerd in me is all squeee! about the possibility of Boy Meets World coming back (in a different way) and touching a newer, younger generation. But the other part in me is hesitant. This won't be a BMW reunion, as it seems only Ben and Danielle would be a part of it. And what's a BMW without Eric, Shawn, Mr. Feeny and the rest? Even if it's not a true BMW reunion, anything Cory and Topanga without the others would feel wrong.

     (Although really, ABC/Disney could really cash in on making a BMW reunion - even if it's just a premiere episode special. Guarantee every person who grew up watching the original would tune in for that.)

     Still, overall I'm on the fence. I think it's a great idea, but they need to do the original series justice. I'm interested in seeing what they do and where they plan on going with this - whether it'll be a reboot in reverese, or whether it'll stand on its own legs.

     More updates as they become available!

Shonda vs. Amy; or, Diversity vs. Tokenism

Greetings, my lovelies!

By now you may have heard the, um, "controversy" (my God, is that word overused) surrounding the new Amy Sherman-Palladino show, Bunheads. Shonda Rhimes, of Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice/Scandal fame, tweeted the following after the pilot of Bunheads:

“Hey @abcfbunheads: really? You couldn’t cast even ONE young dancer of color so I could feel good about my kid watching this show? NOT ONE?”

She quickly added that while she was a major Gilmore Girls fan (Amy S-P's most famous show to date) and that she liked that girls of all sizes were aspiring ballerinas, she was just pointing out a few issues. Amy S-P has since responded, essentially saying that Shonda shouldn't have attacked her like that, that women shouldn't go after each other like that, etc. etc. Which, yes. I agree, but um...that's not what Shonda was getting at. Too bad Amy didn't have anything to say regarding Shonda's point re: the all-white cast. The only thing she really said about it was that she'd had "no time" to look for a diverse cast. Whatever that means.

Non-answers aside, who's right in this situation? Can you even argue that one of them is right and one of them isn't? Let's take a look.

On the one hand, we can make a case for diversity. There should be more races represented on television and movies, period. There are small towns with mostly white folk in America (where Bunheads takes place), but those are getting harder to find. There are so many talented people of colour who deserve the chance to play roles other than ones that are written specifically for them.

A good example of this is, not surprisingly, Grey's Anatomy, which if you believe Shonda Rhimes, had colourblind casting. Some people poohpooh this idea, pointing out that the male and female leads are white. This is true. And of the five original interns, only one is not white. BUT. If you think you can call that cast anything but diverse, you need to watch again. Not only are there many non-white characters, there are characters of all different races and ethnic backgrounds - black, Asian, Hispanic. There's even a racially mixed character, if I'm not mistaken (helllloooo, Avery!). Even better, though, is that these characters are all strong, intelligent and often fearless characters, with nary a racial stereotype in sight. Even 50% or more of the guest actors (usually the patients) are coloured. This is an example of diversity at its finest, and I honestly believe that Shonda doesn't get enough credit for having such a racially diverse cast and not ever really touching on it - the characters' race is a part of who they are, but they don't exist for the sake of having diveristy-charged storylines. An honest congrats to you, Ms. Rhimes.

But on the other hand...

If I'm being honest, "tokenism" really bothers me. Shoehorning a character of colour just for the sake of having a character of colour is obnoxious and kind of insulting. It just screams "Hey everybody, look! We have a/an [race/ethnicity that isn't white] person on our show! Look at how diverse we are!". Even worse is when that character's racial/ethnicity is stereotyped to be funny. Ugh.

Shonda's comment about not feeling good about her kid watching the show because of the all-white cast rubs me the wrong way. You can still like and relate to a character and what they're going through even if you don't look like them. And if the only way you can relate to a character is by the colour of their skin, well...maybe you need take a look inside and ask yourself why that is.

And I gotta ask - would this have been a problem with Shonda if the cast had been all black?

One final point on the "boourns to tokenism" side - in all fairness, this is just the pilot. There are many more characters to be introduced, I'm sure, and who's to say they're going to be all white, too?

I think that if possible, producers/directors/what-have-yous should pull a Shonda and do colourblind casting. Pick the actor or actress that's best for the part and disregard the colour of their skin. That said, it's important to keep in mind that sometimes, it's going to be a white person, and that acting is still, at this point, a mainly white-dominated profession. Is it because more white people get cast, or because more white people persue the profession? Chicken or the egg? Who knows?

 Colourblind casting for all!

Hey Linds! Some advice for ya...

Last night, Lindsay Lohan hosted SNL for the first time since 2006. After being out of the spotlight (not the tabloids, but the spotlight) for a few years now, this was supposed to be her "big comeback."

Was it?

In a few words: uhhh...not really.

She wasn't awful, but she wasn't great. Her reliance on the cue cards was distracting, sometimes almost embarassing. She was clearly out of her element and seemed a little rusty on her delivery. It wasn't the trainwreck most people were expecting (maybe hoping?) to see, but it wasn't a triumph, either. It was, however, a step in the right direction for her.

At this point, I don't honestly know if she can ever have a successful comeback. Hollywood - and modern society, really - can be so fickle, it's hard to tell who or what will be popular one moment before being hated the next. But I have some competely unsolicited, unprofessional advice for her to get this comeback she so desperately wants.

In the long run:

*Get sober. No, seriously. Get sober for real, for life. She claims she is, but let's face it - she can be a bit of a BS-er. She really needs to lay off the drugs and alcohol to stay alive and move forward with her life.

**Actually, to that point - admit she has a problem, then get sober. She has categorically denied she has a problem, but come on.

***Get some perspective and learn humility. She got lucky so many times, and it hasn't done her any favours. If she truly understood that she did get lucky, that she got more chances than she deserved and that it could have been overall much worse for her, I think she could win people over a lot more than she has. She'd come across as more genuinely trying to clean up her act and take things seriously than she currently is. For instance, instead of saying she did a great job on SNL, she could have said something like "Thanks for watching, I had such a blast doing SNL, hope everyone enjoyed it!" or something similar.

Short term...

*Enough with the "enhancements." She's a year or two younger than me but looks much, much older. It's not becoming.

**Ditch the blonde, go back to being a redhead or even a brunette. The blonde just washes her out and is so fake.

***Gain the industry's trust back by taking on small roles, like TV guest star spots. Preferrably in a primetime drama. A more serious role without too much responisbility would allow people to take her more seriously, not put too much pressure on her while allowing her to do her best and demonstrate that she can behave professionally.

In the end, it's all up to her. Sure, the audience has to forgive & forget her misdoings, but she has to give us a reason to do so.