In May 2007, I joined a BSC forum. My obession with the BSC began in childhood, but sometime during the 2007 school year I rekindled my love affair with the books. I found Claudia's Room, which furthered my rediscovered obession. Eventually, I stumbled upon the BSC proboards.
I hesitated at first, since I'm not a huge fan of forums. Take a look at the IMDB boards, and you'll often see the very worst of humankind. (Such as one heartless poster who said, a day after the brutual slayings of Jennifer Hudson's family members, that the victims would have lived if Jennifer's weight hadn't slowed her down in order to get help. Sickening.) Not only that, but I tend to lose steam after 50 or so posts. I joined the Fan Forum to discuss That '70s Show while it was still in production (i.e., joined to read spoilers), and it took me a couple of years to reach 100 posts. But, the BSC board was too tempting to resist, so I joined.
While all (well...almost all, and anyone from the boards reading this will know who I'm talking about) of the members have been great, one stood out from the rest: aln1982. I immediately saw her as the "fearless leader" of the boards. Mainly because she had the most posts, but she had a definite leadership about her. She was never pushy or bossy, though. It's sort of hard to describe it - she just had the air of authority, but in the best possible way. In the way that makes you listen and trust their opinions, even if you don't always agree.
What really struck me about aln, though, was that she was always so kind. She tried her best to not offend anyone, but she didn't agree with everyone else just for the sake of getting along. When she had a differing opinion, she let it be known - graciously and respectfully. Plus, by reading her posts, I felt like I was getting a good insight as to who she really was. A common theme I noticed with her was love. She truly loved the series. She also loved her parents, made evident by the many stories she told of them. (They always made me smile, since they were always very sweet.) She also really loved horses, history and Disney. Like I said, love was the undertone in so many of her posts, and I really admired that about her.
While reading this, you may have noticed the use of past tense when talking about aln. For those who don't already know, aln (whose real name is Afton) passed away a few days ago in her sleep. She was very ill and suffered greatly because of it. Interestingly, you'd probably never know this about her by reading her posts. Looking back on it now, there may have been a few small hints, but for the most part, you couldn't really guess that she was sick. Her posts were always upbeat -she never complained once. Even when she admitted to having a crap day, I never once felt like she was complaining.
The news came as a shock to the entire BSC forum. We knew that she had been ill by this point - several months earlier, she stopped posting. She came on a few times to give us updates, and she told us about her illness and that she was having problems with it. However, a lot of us - me included - were astounded by her passing.
What's especially sad to me is that I was hoping she was on the mend, and that she'd be posting at least semi-regularly again. For a few weeks before her death, she was coming on to the boards and posting here and there. I specifically remember one time, a couple of weeks ago, tops, when I logged on and saw who had been on within the last 24 hours. Aln's name was listed, and I thought Yay, aln's back! I was genuinely happy, since I had been missing her posts.
In a way, it feels weird to grieve for her. On the one hand, I don't really know her at all. We never met. We got along really well on the boards and frequently referred to each other's posts when adding our own thoughts and feelings about something, but that was pretty much it.
Yet I'm sad. I may not have known her incredibly well, but I still cared about her. I cared about her opinions, laughed at her funny stories (especially at how she was getting her dad into the BSC books - how adorable is that?), worried when she disappeared from the boards for a while, and missed her when we found out she was taking time off from the board. As you have seen, I was happy when I thought she was coming back. Aln was the sort of person who cared back. If that isn't friendship, I don't know what is.
I guess I'm having trouble with this, since I've never had an online friend before. But this tragedy has made me realize that yes, aln was my friend. And the others on the board - they're my friends, too. I'm not super close to any of them, but I'd like to change that. Hopefully I can. In any event, I still care about them and would be just as distraught if any of them died.
The only silver lining of aln's death is that the sense of community has been strengthened on our boards. We've really joined together in our grief. We're working together on ways to honour her memory. We've been talking about making donations on her behalf to a charity; one member has started a MySpace tribute to her. I wrote a letter to Ann M. Martin about Aln, posted it on the boards, got an unbelievably wonderful response and may have encouraged others to do the same. We have been writing letters and cards to Aln's parents, sending our sympathies. It makes me feel a bit better to know that something good has come out of this, and that we can do something great to honour our friend.
This has gone on long enough, but I'm not quite done. I'm almost there, I promise.
Aln was a great person. I'm not just saying that because she died, and that's what you say when people die. I'm saying that because it's the truth. I truly believe that she has touched my life. Just talking to her and seeing her strength, graciousness and just pure goodness has been inspiring. I'd love to have even half of the goodness she had inside of her - it's something I am striving for. If I make it - if I get just halfway there, I'll consider myself lucky. To have been in the presence of someone who had so much genuine kindness, compassion and thoughtfulness is something I will never forget. I will always aspire to have these attributes within myself, but lucky for me, I had the best example to look up to, so I should be okay.
Thank you, aln, for being a friend - and a great one at that. I miss you already. I don't think I'll ever be able to think of the BSC without thinking of you, but that's a good thing. It will always remind me of you and your amazing spirit.
I'll leave you with a video of one of my favourite songs of all time. It has always struck chord with me, but even more so since aln's death. Warning, if you're reading this as someone who has also lost aln, it will most likely make you cry. But it speaks the truth, especially for all of us who were inspired by her.
Rest in peace, aln.
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