Walker, Texas Ranger

Since I'm really stressed right now (exams...joy.) I needed a laugh. And who do I turn to when I need a laugh? Walker, Texas Ranger. The funniest part starts around 2:40. Conan's reaction is priceless.

ETA that the embedded video doesn't work, sadly. But I do have the
link!

Cop-out

Dear Desperate Housewives,

What. A. Cop-out. Dave going after Mike to avenge the death of his wife and daughter? I'm sensationally disappointed on you. It was so obvious from the beginning that I assumed it was a red herring. In all honesty, I thoroughly believe that some of my ideas were better (such as Dave avenging the death of his brother George from the first two seasons, or Dave using Mike as bait for someone else, like Carlos) than what seems to be happening. I can only hope this is a red herring. Like, maybe Dave's completely insane and just imagined that he was related to the people who died. But that's kind of unlikely.

Boourns, DH, boourns.

The great 2008 pop culture round-up

A round-up of things I didn't get in 2008's pop culture...

1. Books: Twilight, obviously. I read the books and saw the movie, but I don't get the fuss over them. See previous posts.

2. Music: In first place, Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl. At first, it was a silly song, but then it was EVERYWHERE. After hearing it 7329 times in one summer, it really started to grate on my nerves. And really, it's not that great of a song. It just gives skanky girls an excuse to kiss each other at the bar to get attention. So...yeah. Shame on you, Katy Perry, for enabling skanks.

Honourable Mention: The Jonas Brothers. They're cute kids and all, but their music? Terrible.

3. Television: The Hills. Seriously, what the heck is this crap? Why do people watch it? And why do the "stars" of the show consider themselves to be celebrities? 'Cause they're not.

4. Celebrities: Miley Cyrus. Yuck. She's everywhere. And I'm getting tired of seeing her half-naked in her camera phone pictures. For reals, though, this girl isn't talented, attractive or likeable. Step aside and let the adorable Selena Gomez take the spotlight.

HM: Brangelina. I don't care about these people or the 203 kids they've adopted. I appreciate the good they do in the world, but enough is enough. We hear more about their kids than we do about their movies.

5. Fashion: Actually, I can't complain too much, since 2008 was a good year for fashion. Except the possibility of florals becoming popular. NO! Why people think it's attractive to walk around in a dress that looks like it was made from your grandmother's sofa, I'll never know.

And there you have it.

Jo vs. Steph

The other night, I had a dream in which I met J.K. Rowling (but, oddly enough, as a man) and discussed with her (him?) the success of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga. In my dream, J.K. (or Jo, as she will henceforth be known as) was diplomatic and said that they could only really be compared in the fact that they are both women writing book series.

But, for anyone who has read both series, that's where the similarites end. The question remains, who's better? Jo or Steph? Harry or Bella?

(For the record: Arguments for Harry Potter will be in the arial font; arguments for Twilight will be in the courier font.

1. Originiality:

* An orphaned boy discovers he's actually a wizard, and that an entire wizarding world exists.

* Not only does is there another wizarding world, there is a whole slew of wizard-related objects and concepts: Muggles, wizarding money, etc.

* A new girl moves to a small town, falls in love with a mysterious boy who turns out to be a vampire.

Winner: Jo. That Jo created an entire magical world, complete with wizarding lingo, is more impressive than a been-there-done-that idea of a vampire loving a mortal.

2. Characters:

* Jo created dozens upon dozens of colourful characters. Ranging from the smallest of roles to the most evil wizard of all time, every character is developed and has noticeable strengths and weaknesses.

* The characters are relateable. Most of them seem so real, like they're people you've met in your lifetime.

* The characters remain consistent throughout the series.

* Stephenie created dozens of characters, too, but they aren't very well developed. Protagonist Bella has no flaws, except being "clumsy" (and that really comes across as only quirky and cute. She's also one of the worst characters ever written, but that was probably untentional...). Edward, the handsome hero, also has no flaws. He's controlling, but Bella perceives this as romantic. Fatherly Carlile Cullen is the perfect character: handsome, kind, smart, rich and caring. He never loses his temper, once.

* The characters aren't that relateable. The most real characters are Mike and Jessica, and even they are exaggerated and poorly written.

* One word: Renesme. Could Bella be any more OOC when this little horror is conceived?

Winner: Jo. Jo knows her characters inside and out, and it shows. Stephenie's characters come off as they were created by a 12-year-old girl. Bella is a complete Mary-Sue.

2.1: Villains

* Voldemort is a terrifying, evil man, but he has his charms. He's silky smooth and intelligent. You certainly love to hate him.

* Jo set up his background for us in great detail, so we got to see why he is the way he is.

* Voldemort and the Death Eaters strike fear within the entire wizarding community. The threat is there throughout the series.

* The villains change throughout the series. You could argue that there is something to be said for this, but there is a strong lack of consistency in the books. Who are the Cullens and Bella really afraid of?

* James and Victoria have no backstory. They exist for the sole purpose of being the "bad guys" in the stories. In essence, no one gives a crap about them.

* The Volturi. Laaame. Are they bad? Are they good? I still don't know. Or care.

Winner: Jo. There's nothing I love better than a well-written villain! (Plus it doesn't hurt that Ralph Fiennes plays Voldemort, while some has-been from the O.C. played James in the movie. James was probably the worst thing about the movie, and that's saying a lot.)

3. Writing

* Jo has an extensive vocabulary.

* She also expertly sets up the reader for unexpected twists and turns.

* Stepenie's vocabulary has room for improvement. Bella glares, scowls and growls her way through the books, as do most of the other characters.

* The books are predictable. Of course they're going to beat the bad guys, without any casualties. Hello, is there any conflict out there?

Winner: Jo. Obviously. How many times did my mouth drop open in shock whilst reading the HP series? Countless. How many times did it happen during Twilight? None.

4. Audience

* The HP series is for people of all ages.

* Twilight is really suited for the tweenage girl set. The books are read by a larger population, but only tween girls can appreciate them for what they are.

Winner: Jo. Universal appeal, anyone?

And the winner is....

J.K. ROWLING!!!

I might be a bit biased, but anyone who has read the Twilight series can't argue that the books are well-written. The entire series was ruined when Breaking Dawn came out. There were too many WTF???? moments that took me out of the story. I've mentioned more than once that I just cannot stand Bella and Edward. Anyone who thinks their romance is...um, romantic, is delusional, stupid, or both. Sure, one could argue that their relationship is in the realm of a fantasy, but fantasy should have some basis in reality. Bella and Edward kind of make me want to set myself on fire.

It's too bad so many people are saying that Twilight is the new Harry Potter, because they're so far off. Stephenie only wishes she could write like Jo. Jo can write better than Stephenie in her sleep, but that's just my opinion.

Agadoo doo doo!

Happy December! It's actually December 2nd, but I haven't gone to bed yet, therefore it's still December 1st. And in honour of that, I present to you that greatest video ever made. A catchy tune? Check. Dance moves you can bust out at the club? Check. Dancing pineapples and trumpet-playing bananas? Check and check. Yup, this video has it all.