Sims 4 Review

Here it is at last, my extremely belated review of The Sims 4! I've played enough to have gotten a sense of it and my overall impression is not so positive.

A little background: I've played the Sims since the very first expansion pack, Livin' Large. I've played almost every single Sims game EA/Maxis has released, so I feel like I'm pretty qualified to be talking about this (that, and it's my opinion). I liked Sims 2 when it came out, but when Sims 3 was released, I abandoned S2 quickly. There was so much improvement over S2 that I couldn't go back to what I'd had before. Sims 3 is not without its problems, but overall it was a huge step forward for the efranchise.

Sims 4, however, feels like a 2014 incarnation of Sims 2, and in a nutshell, that's probably my biggest problem with it. Let's take a more in-depth look, shall we?

1. Return of the Loading Screen - Without a doubt, this is my number 1 issue with Sims 4. Any time you want to step off your lot, even if you just want to say hi to your next door neighbour, you have to sit through a loading screen. Granted, they aren't too long, but they get tedious very quickly. It makes me stay at home with my Sims as much as possible, and that means I'm getting bored (and cabin fever) pretty quickly. The best thing the Sims franchise ever did was introduce the open world in S3; it's a damn shame they got rid of it. Yes, my game runs smoother, but I'm honestly not sure if that was a fair trade.

2. Unless everyone's in the same place, you can only control one Sim at a time. Want to send little Bobby and Suzy to the park while Mom goes to the gym and Dad stays at home to skill up? Make your choice, because you can only control one lot at a time without sitting through loading screens. It's a disjointed way of playing and makes having bigger families a lot more difficult to control.

3. Speaking of difficult to control, overall I find this game a lot harder than it needs to be. Were people complaining that Sims 3 wasn't challenging enough? You have to have certain skills. complete a daily task and go to work/school in a certain mood (which often changes moments after your Sim leaves, especially if they're prone to anger, sadness, etc.) in order to get a promotion or get good grades. Micromanaging has always been a feature in the Sims, but I find there's a lot more of it in Sims 4. It could be a bug in my game, but I find my Sims aren't very smart (despite what the ads will tell you). If my Sim is hungry, she won't go eat some food unless she's in the red. Same thing with the bathroom - she's more likely to pee her pants than she is to autonomously use the bathroom to take care of herself. Overall, I find I'm spending so much time taking care of these idiots, doing the same thing over and over again just to get a promotion that it doesn't leave a lot of time for fun activities.

4. Multi-tasking was really hyped up as a big new deal when the game was coming out, but I don't find it to be all that. There are times when it's come in handy, I can't deny that. But it's extremely - and I mean extremely - tedious when you're talking to a Sim out in public and EVERYONE in the vicinity comes rushing over to join in. It's obnoxious, especially if you're trying to get your flirt on with someone in particular - it somehow turns into a group flirt and everyone feels awkward.

I'm also not a fan of the multi-task queue. If your Sim is watching TV and chatting to someone, and he is moments away from pissing his pants, clicking on the toilet isn't good enough to get him to go. You have to actively X out his multi-tasking activities in order to get him to go. I can't begin to describe how annoying this is, especially when it's something your Sim desperately needs to do.

5. Everything takes forever. I'm not kidding. It will take my Sim at least an hour to eat a bowl of cereal. She'll take a bite, look around, sit there for a while doing nothing before taking a second bite. I have to get them up so damn early for school and work just to get them fed and ready to go for the day.

6. The emotions don't add too much to the game - not to the extent I was lead to believe. I hope they add new ones with the inevitable 37 expansion packs in the future. And more importantly, they NEED to add more traits. This was another huge step forward that happened in Sims 3 and to whittle personality traits down to a measly 3 for a fully grown adult is terrible. Between that and the surprisingly few traits we got with the base game, a lot of my Sims seem to have the same personalities over and over again, and that's really boring, IMO.

7. The worlds feel small. There are only a handful of empty spaces to build a house and there are only a few lots to visit. Even if you travel back and forth between neighbourhoods, there's only so many times you can visit the same 6 lots over and over again.

8. I really miss Create a Style. I didn't think I would, but holy crap, I do. I get they didn't want a lot of textures to clog up the game play, but it sucks you can't re-colour anything. They never have the exact colour combo I'm looking for in the styles I want in Create a Sim, and that's frustrating.

9. Build mode is obnoxious if you don't have a mouse. If I want to rotate anything, I have to drop the item first, then rotate my screen and pick the object back up. It's very annoying and I tend to skip build mode as much as humanly possibly.

10. Y U NO AUTO ROOF? I really, REALLY hope they add this back in at home point - it's not very intuitive and most of my roofs look ridiculous. Not everyone is a builder, EA.

So, is there anything I like about the game, you ask? Yes, yes there is:

1. Visually the game is beautiful. I got used to the more cartoony look and feel of the game, and I think they did a nice job of designing the towns and Sims.

2. Create a Sim is awesome. I'm  not terribly skilled at creating a Sim that I imagine in my head, or of a real person/pre-existing character, but that's on me, not the game. I love the pre-styled looks for when I get lazy, I like that you can make some really unique body types, I like that there's a surprising amount of content in CAS and that you can wear anything at any time. Want your wedding dress to be a bathing suit? Why not!

3. Build mode, while a pain in the ass for this laptop user, is admittedly pretty easy for the most part. I've never been a builder, so I love the pre-made rooms (though I wish there were more). I like you can redesign your house without too much of a fuss - something that will come in handy for upgrading your shack to a mansion!

Overall opinion - eh. It's a disappointment, to be frank. If you loved Sims 2, you'll like this game. If you prefer Sims 3, you probably won't. Simple as that. It's a little easier to swallow if you pretend it's a Sims ripoff and not the real deal, but....they really dropped the ball on this one. Too many fans bitched about how much more they liked the Sims 2 better than Sims 3 and we're all paying the price. Hopefully, future expansions and patches will make this game more enjoyable, but it seems like the biggest problems are core features of the game that won't go away anytime soon.

Darkness of Night Music; or, Entertaining Myself

Oh hey there. Yes, it's been a while, and I apologize for that. Life + technical difficulties got in the way for a while there, but I'm back! For your amusement and mine, here are the Google translate lyrics to Music of the Night. Why? Well, why not?

Night time sharpens , improves every experience .
The darkness prevented and arouse the imagination.
Abaddon, but in a calm feeling in his defense.
Slowly , gently, night unfurls its splendor.
Turn your face to the sun Garrish .
Evenings I thought memorabilia cold indifference of light and music .

Close your eyes and dream antautuatumma
Clears the thoughts of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, let your spirit start to soar
And you'll live as you've never experienced before

Softly, deftly , music surround
feel it , hear it , approaching around
Open your mind , let your fantasies to rest
In this darkness that you know you will not fight
Darkness of night music

Let your mind start a journey in a strange new world
To give up all the point of view of the world you knew before
Let your soul if you're looking to get
Only then can you draw

Floating , falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me , trust me , savor each sensation
Let the dream begin let your darker side give
With the power of the music that I write
Power of the music night

You can only do my tracks run
Help me to make music at night

Annnnnd….The Point of No Return:

that here
In pursuit of your deepest desires
This desire
silent
Silence.

I sent you
Our passion can melt and combine
In your mind you've already succumbed to me , dropped all objections
fully compatible
Now that you're here with me
no worries
You need to decide
Decision .

Not seen again for the point of no return ,
Our producers - believes that these games end
Historic whole idea of ​​" if " or " when " makes no sense to defend
Abandon the idea and let the dream go down

Fire raging flood the soul ?
What rich desire unlocks the door ?
What sweet seduction lies before us ?

Beyond the point of no return , the final threshold
What warm unspoken secrets we learn?
In addition to the point of no return

You brought me to this moment when words run dry
Until the moment when the language disappears into silence , silence
I came here , I do not know why
In my mind, I thought , our bodies rank
Vulnerable room and now I'm here with you
No worries , I decided to choose

For a point of no return , no return
Our passion play now finally started
Trap any thoughts right or wrong , one last question
How long should we wait until we have two of them ?

When the blood starts to race
Sleeping bud burst into bloom?
When will the flames at last with us ?

Beyond the point of no return , the final threshold
Cross bridge , so stand and watch it burn
We have passed the point of no return

Let's say you share with me one love , one life
Lead me , save me from my solitude
You say I want you here beside you
Wherever you go , you leave me , Christine , that's all I ask.

Penny & Luke; Or, a sad realization about saying goodbye to "How I Met Your Mother"

Minutes ago, it was revealed that Ted Mosby's children's names are Penny and Luke. For the last 9 years, we've seen countless reaction shots from his long-suffering, nameless kids. And now, I'll never be able to look back at past episodes without knowing who they are.

It's starting to hit me that in a few weeks time, I'll know how Ted met the mother. There will never be a time when I don't know how the story came to be. There will never be a "but we'll get to that" story that I won't know the ending to. I've finally realized how the full impact of the show coming to an end, and it's surprisingly painful.

A lot of fans, and even more haters, have said for a while that they want Ted to meet the mother sooner than later, but I've never been a part of that group. I've always enjoyed the journey, even when we go down some roads a few times over (Robin. I'm talking about Robin). I've been excited every step of the way for every piece of new information, every clue, but I've still enjoyed the journey. And now that it's almost over...I'm more sad about it than I care to admit.

I haven't gotten into too many mystery shows over the years. Veronica Mars is one that comes to mind, and Pretty Little Liars is a new one I've gotten into (though it's still on the air). Up until now, I've never thought of HIMYM as mystery because I already know the outcome: Ted meets the woman of his dreams, marries her and has two kids. I never knew that the journey itself could be the biggest journey of all. It'll be weird going back and watching all of those clues, all of those red herrings and finally knowing the truth. As of now, there are still unanswered questions, but the time on that is running out fast.

I'll have a lot more to say once the finale airs, and it will probably be less eloquent than what I've written. But I wanted to take a minute and really appreciate how much fun it's been, waiting for clues. Searching for that yellow umbrella. Waiting to meet the mother. I wanted to say all of that while I still can, while there is still some mystery left. Because soon, there won't be anymore. Ted will have met the mother and we will have no more theories to discuss, no more surprises to discover, no more calves to glimpse in the doorway. I appreciate every bombshell that gets dropped - hey Luke and Penny - but it also means we are one step closer to the end. I want to savour it and reflect on how much I've loved this show.

The finale airs March 31st. Like I said, I will have a lot to discuss once it airs....

...but more on that later.

Survivor Seasons Ranked: Part 2

Part one of the list is here!

12. China – I feel badly for putting this so low on my list, because it gave us a lot of great things. It gave us a unique location, some all-star players and some great game play. Todd's domination in FTC is something all potential Survivor players should watch, because it's a thing of beauty. Unfortunately, it also gave us the beginning of the final three format and is probably the biggest perpetrator of the winner’s edit. Still, it was a great season – but like Exile Island, there are more seasons that were simply better.

11. Africa – I have a feeling a lot of people would disagree with this ranking. And I admit, it may largely have to do with nostalgia. But hear me out: Africa was a unique location and presented wild animals killing you at night as a legit threat. We saw some truly awesome fan favourites in Lex and Big Tom. Africa featured a tribal shake up for the very first time in the show’s history, which sent everyone scrambling. Between this and one of the show’s best (and my personal favourite) winners to date in Ethan, Africa may also be an underrated season. This may change with another viewing at some point, but it deserves a shot at the title. Plus, fun fact: this was the first time a winner got the prize with a 5-2 vote.

10. Amazon – Survivor divided its tribes in a specific way for the first time in Amazon, giving us the battle of the sexes. It was a blast to watch and a shame when the tribes were switched up relatively early on in the game. With Amazon, we saw some great players, especially in Rob Cesternino. We had our first handicapped player in Christy, who is deaf. There certainly wasn’t a lack of strategy in Amazon, and it still holds up extremely well after all of these years.

9. Pearl Islands – I recently re-watched this first season and was surprised to see how good it was. Solid players, solid strategy and the introduction of two extremely opposite players: sweet, loveable Rupert and lying, manipulative Johnny Fairplay. And okay, it has to be mentioned: love it or hate it, Fairplay’s “my grandmother died” scheme is one of the most classic moments in Survivor history. Pearl Islands also had a pirate theme to it, which I enjoyed a lot more the second time around. Even if you didn’t like the Outcasts twist, and especially if you didn’t like Lil in the final two, it was a great season that is a must-watch for any new viewers.

8. Marquesas – I’m not sure how I feel about this particular ranking. On the one hand, it gave us many great things and is probably an underrated classic. On the other, it’s been a good 12 years since I watched the season. Considering how early on Marquesas came in Survivor history, I could be remembering it with rose coloured glasses. But let’s talk about the good, shall we? Marquesas took us back to the beach, gave us the first time one tribe dominated over the other (Rotu didn’t go to tribal council until day 15) and introduced us to the likes of Kathy and…. Boston Rob. Yep, Boston Rob gave us his first performance and at the time was extremely notorious. Marquesas also gave us what is likely to be the first major blunder of an alliance: the Rotu 4 revealed the tribe’s pecking order during a challenge, which resulted in the others coming together and voting them out one by one. Sweet. Unfortunately, Marquesas also gave us our first arguably weak final two in Vecepia and Neleh. It was the first – and up until recently – only time the players had to go to rocks to determine a split vote. Poor Paschal.

7. Tocantins – This season is ranked around the middle in most other Survivor lists, but I have always heartily disagreed. There was some solid game play here, most noticeably with the “secret” alliance between Taj, JT and Stephen.  We got the most memorable Bromance with JT and Stephen, which was adorable and something I’d like to see more of in the future. We saw some great players – Tyson especially – and love him or hate him, we saw the first installment of Coach. Tocantins also gave us the first “perfect game” winner in JT, who won all jury votes without a single vote cast against him. Way to go! Bizarrely, it marks the last time we saw a final two, which is quite unfortunate.

6. Cook Islands – This was another one of those seasons where I was pleasantly surprised at how well it has aged. It started out as a heated controversy – the tribes were divided up by race – but even without that element, it was a great season. The turning moment was when all players were given the chance to mutiny and join the other tribe – and two players did! The other tribe was shrunk down to only a couple of players, and against all odds, they came back to make it to the end. Incredible! Plus, this season gave us some of my favourite players: Parvati, Penner, Yul and – at the time – Ozzy. (Let’s talk about Ozzy for a sec. I loved him in Cook Islands, but after his lame showmance with Amanda in Micronesia, I liked him less. When he came back as an arrogant prick in South Pacific, I was over it.) Cook Islands also gave us one of the most random and hilarious moments, when one of the earliest castaways to get voted out declared his love for Candice at tribal, even though they’d exchanged about 5 words. Watch Jeff Probst’s reaction to that, you will not regret it. All of this paired with a stunning location, definitely give this one a go. 

5. Palau – Once my second all-time favourite season, I admit this one didn’t hold up quite as well as I remembered. The winner’s edit was too obvious, as was the boot list. However, Palau has the distinction of being the first and only season of Survivor to feature a tribe that completely decimated the other tribe and is the only season to never officially have a merge. That was incredibly fun to watch! You couldn’t but feel for Steph as she desperately watched her tribe get smaller and smaller, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Plus, Palau gave us one of my favourite winners in Tom. He was a true leader of his tribe and will go down as one of the most deserving winners, in my books.

4. Philippines – Pretty much everything about this season worked, and worked incredibly well. There was a great twist: three returning players who had been med evac’d from their previous installment were back to take another shot at the title. Another thing Philippines had going for it: Malcolm. Malcolm became the new Golden Boy of Survivor, and nobody can get enough of him. Even though he didn’t win, everyone was satisfied with a deserving winner in Denise. Between this and some great game play, Philippines has earned its spot in the top 5.

3. Caramoan – I’m just as shocked as you are to see such a recent season crack the top three. Admittedly, the first half of the season wasn’t quite as strong. Bringing the mentally unstable Brandon Hantz back was a mistake, and we all paid the price. His epic meltdown wasn’t fun to watch – it was actually horrifying and sad. (Caramoan also brought us the Jeff Probst back rub. Make fun of it all you want, but Jeff knows what he’s doing out there. Props to him for being such a solid host.) Post-merge, the season took off flying. There were so many twists, turns and blindsides, I can barely keep track. Sure, there were a few unpleasant moments – most notably Brenda forcing Dawn to take out her false teeth at final tribal – but we also saw some of the best game play in the show’s history. "Hold up, bro!" will forever be one of my favourite Survivor moments. 

2. Australia – Yes, I have some residual guilt ranking this season so high because of nostalgic reasons. Australia was the first season I watched, and so it will forever hold a place in my heart. But you know what? I feel okay with this decision, because I can defend it well. Australia gave us some really great, memorable players – especially with Skupin, Colby, Tina and even Jerri, who was the first-ever Survivor villainess. Australia gave us the first and worst injury in the game to date – Mike Skupin falling in the fire and severely burning his hands – and perhaps the only injury to make a serious impact on the rest of the game. But one of the reasons why Australia was so good was because it showed the castaways truly surviving. They were out there the longest (42 days instead of the 39 that has marked the show before and since Australia). They endured some incredibly grueling weather when a flood completely destroyed their camp. They were so hungry that Elisabeth’s hair was falling out and Jeff Probst had to come to their camp and do an exchange for rice. (I highly suspect these last two things are the reason why they nixed the 42 days idea – they may have genuinely worried someone would die of starvation or malnutrition out there!) We saw the Survivors truly survive out in the Outback, and while there have been many seasons since where the contestants have had bad weather, I don’t think any of them suffered as badly as the Australian cast. That may not make it sound appealing, but damn, it was fascinating to watch.

And the all-time best season is….

1. Fans vs. Favourites – As if there were any doubt. FvF gave us what is probably the best example of an alliance taking charge of the game, dominating it and taking it to the end. We saw some of the best blindsides in the show’s history, as well as some of the most ridiculous tribal councils rivaled only by FvF 2 (Caramoan, for those keeping track). Parvati is probably the best to play the game, and she more than deserved her win. She mastered the game and executed it perfectly. I know this is a great season, because I can go back and watch it again and again, and still enjoy every minute of it. Great players, great moves, great strategy. If I had to choose one season to use as an introduction to someone who’s never seen the show, this would be it. 

Where will Blood vs. Water fall on this yet? Time will tell! Catch the finale this Sunday. 

Survivor Seasons Ranked: Part 1

It should come as no surprise that I am a big Survivor fan. I’ve been watching it for almost as long as it’s been on, and along the way I’ve seen some great moments. To celebrate the fact that we are one episode away from finishing a great season, I thought I’d post my rankings of the Survivor seasons thus far (Blood vs. Water isn’t included since it’s not over yet! Anything could happen!).  

This is all just personal opinion and there are some controversial rankings, so be warned!

And since this is a loooong post, I broke it up into two parts.

26. Redemption Island – The only season that I started to watch but never finished (though I tuned in to the FTC and reunion). The whole thing was set up to be a Russell vs. Rob showdown, but the minute Russell got voted out, they pretty much handed Rob the million dollars on the spot. And why not? Everyone else was incapable of playing the game. Plus, it gave us Redemption Island, which I think works better in theory than in reality. Between RI and the extreme predictability of the winner, this has got to be one of the most boring seasons of all time. (And it gave us Philip “The Specialist” Shepherd and his pink panties. I think this speaks for itself.)

25. Nicaragua – The only word I can use to describe this season is “ugly.” It was a mean-spirited season with bad game play, unmemorable players and two of the worst twists in Survivor history: the thankfully never seen again Medallion of Power and separating the tribes into old versus young. Plus, two players quit days before the end of the game. That was just painful to watch.

24. Thailand –It’s been ages since I’ve seen this season, so maybe it’s not entirely fair to rank a season I haven’t seen in over a decade so low. What I do remember, unfortunately, is quite bad. Thailand was the fifth season, and it was the first to feature an extremely unlikeable cast. There were a few decent people out there, but they got booted right away. Even the winner wasn’t someone you could cheer for, but when compared to the other players left, you were forced into cheering for Brian. The fake merge was funny, but...yeah. Sorry, Thailand. 

23. One World – Having the two tribes to live on the same beach was actually an interesting and fresh idea, but the thing that lands this season so low on my list is a lack of great players. And I mean that in every sense of the word – there were a lot of bad players, and some of the players who were good strategists were truly disgusting people (Colton. I’m talking about Colton). However, at least it gave us a truly deserving winner for the first time in a while: Kim Spradlin. I'd love to see her play again.

22. Samoa – The only memorable thing was Russell. And that’s not so much of a good thing, in my eyes. As much as I detest that man and everything he stands for, he pulled off some amazing blindsides and was the first player to find idols without needing the clues. I will regret putting this out there for the world to see, but: Russell made this season and was refreshing after watching so many complacent, boring players in the game. There, I said it. However, one compelling player does not a season make. 

21. Fiji – I seriously have no recollection of this season other than the haves vs. have-nots twist (WHAT DID THEY THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?? OF COURSE THE PEOPLE WITH FOOD AND SHELTER DOMINATED!). I vaguely remember Yau-Man and even less vaguely remember winner Earl (although he was the first player to win unanimously). There was something about a Dreamz-Yau Man car deal that caused controversy, but I don’t even remember that too well. This season is generally thought of as forgettable, so I don’t feel too bad not having any memory of it. (I don’t even have memories of watching it, although I’m sure I did.)

20. Vanuatu – I have very little recollection of this season as well. Its winner Chris Daughtry (no, not that Chris Daughtry) deserves props for being the last man standing to win the damn thing in a season of men versus women and when the women had a fairly solid alliance. We saw some great players – Ami and Eliza – for the first time. But other than that, I don’t remember very much. In fact, this was the first season that I didn’t watch in its completion when it aired, which is saying something.

19. Guatemala – I recently re-watched this season and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I even considered moving it higher on the list, but decided I couldn’t because of how many truly great seasons there have been before and since. But man, was this a brutal season! Between their grueling two-day hike to their camps and the fact they couldn’t go swimming without a crocodile-proofed pool, these guys endured a lot. Many of the big, strong guys were depleted for days, which is unusual. The game play was decent, but prior to my re-watch, all I could remember was how angry some of the players were (Judd and Jamie come to mind). I loved Stephenie in her first season, but she came off as whiny and entitled this time around. I liked Rafe, I liked winner Danni Boatwright (and loved how she outed an ex-NFL player, heh), I loved the location. But that’s pretty much it. Not counting the last season, this is the only season, I believe, to not feature any returning players. (Steph in HvV doesn’t count, since this wasn’t her original season.) Interesting, because this was the first season to new and returning players.

18. Borneo – Now don’t hate me. I have never seen this season. I know, it’s the one that started it all, and for such a fan, it’s hard for even me to come to terms with the fact I haven’t watched it. But you want to know why I haven’t seen it? It’s boring. It was a much different game back then. Things were a lot simpler. And while I don’t always love the many twists and turns shoved down our throats with newer seasons, there’s something to be said for people who are hungry for strategy and great game play. I’ve tried watching it, but honestly, I can’t make it past the first episode. (I put it here because of its legacy to the show; I can’t fairly rank a season I haven’t seen, but it felt wrong to put it at the bottom of the list. I have little recollection of seasons 21-19 on this list, so it seemed right to rank Borneo at the top of that cluster, if that makes any sense.)

17. South Pacific – The somewhat high-ish ranking of this season surprises even me, because it gave us the return of one of my least favourite players, Ozzy (we’ll see more on him later), brought us back to Redemption Island and gave us someone whose occupation is being Russell Hantz’s nephew (Brandon). But South Pacific is a season that gave us Cochran and, more importantly and interestingly, gave us a completely new Coach. I groaned when I heard he was coming back yet again, but he surprised me with how much he’s changed, how much he learned and how well he managed to play the game. I found myself rooting for him in the end (but was pretty content to see Sophie win it). In other words, casting saved this season from hitting rock bottom, and for that, I'm grateful!

16. All-Stars – I was psyched when they announced an all-star version of Survivor and couldn’t wait to watch…until I watched. This was the first time that the “playing with strangers” element was removed from the game, and as it turns out, I didn’t have a lot of fun watching it. Players became genuinely hurt by others’ actions to the point where I was almost uncomfortable. There were some great players who made terrible decisions based on friendships outside the game, which resulted in one of the nastiest, most hurt-filled and personal final tribal councils ever. Plus, it turned out Amber as a winner. As if watching her showmance with Rob wasn’t bad enough, All-Stars gave us the first winner who only got the prize as a vote against the other finalist. 

15. Heroes vs. Villains – Ranking this season so low on my list is somewhat a controversial decision, but I didn’t enjoy watching it as much as everyone else did. Yes, it was nice to see a season full of truly great players (except for maybe Candice), but between seeing some of my favourites perform so poorly (Colby) and watching Russell worm his way into the finals for the second time in as many seasons, I tend to give this a pass on my re-watch list.

14. Gabon – It almost pains me to put this so low simply because the location was fabulous. Lush, beautiful, full of wild animals – Gabon was, in a word, stunning. Unfortunately, the location was the most memorable and likeable thing about it. Oh sure, it was fun seeing Sugar survive on Exile Island so many times. Bob’s fake immunity necklace remains unrivaled in faked immunity apparel. And it was great seeing the nice guy win for the first time in a long time. Crystal yelling at her voting confessional -  and the players' reaction to it - was priceless. But unfortunately, there was a lot of underlying nastiness to it. Corinne and Sugar’s feud was gross, especially when it exploded at final tribal council. Sugar and company laughing hysterically at Randy’s immunity necklace faux pas was reminiscent of mean girls in high school, and Sugar’s hot and cold temperament got tiresome pretty quickly. Hmm, there seems to be a running theme to this season…

13. Exile Island – The only reason why this season tends to pop up around this spot in most Survivor lists isn’t because it’s bad – it’s because there are too many seasons that are better. But it’s actually an entertaining season! We saw one player decimate everyone in challenges, only to screw up at the last moment (Terry). We met Cirie and our lives were never the same. We met Shane, whose nicotine withdrawal was unpleasant, yet still compelling. We got Exile Island, and while I was fairly indifferent to the concept, it’s fun to see players work out these big twists for the first time. I believe it also gave us the hidden immunity idols for the first time, which was the beginning of an era.  On top of a likeable winner, Exile Island was pretty damn good. 

The top 12 seasons in the next post!

Top 5 Scariest Moments in Pretty Little Liars *Spoilers*

Okay, so this is coming out of left field. But about a year ago, my friend got me hooked on Pretty Little Liars and now I'm obsessed. I've watched every episode, I've read all of the books. It's cheesy and ridiculous, but dammit if it's not entertaining as hell. While the show is not in the horror genre, it deals with some pretty freaky stuff. Dead best friends, annonymous texts and messages from someone who is watching your every move - yeah, it can get a little creepy. A recent recap of an episode got me thinking, what are the scariest moments of the series thus far? I came up with a lot, but here are my Top 5. Spoiler alert for the series up to season three...if you don't want to know, don't read!

  5. Spencer discovers A's lair - with A. At first, it’s exciting when Spencer finally discovers A’s lair. After two seasons of getting tortured, coming across A’s secret hideyhole was a big payoff. But it quickly turned creepy once we see just how obsessed A is with the girls and Alison. Walls covered in pictures of them, of articles about Alison, dollhouses in the background – it went from exciting to horrifying in about 2 seconds flat. The moment you put it together that Spencer is alone with A in A’s lair is downright chilling.

  4. A night out at the movies - with A! The Liars gather at the movies to discuss the latest A haps, and Spencer turns and sees A sitting several rows behind them. Seeing A's hooded profile in the complete darkness is fucking scary, man. It’s so sinister - made even more so by the fact that he/she just suddenly appears. And then when they look again and A’s gone. This moment is so scary, in fact, that I wasn’t sure I should be putting it so low on the list. Points off for being a dream sequence, but holy crap. It was only a minute or two long, but that it made it on this list should speak volumes.

  3. Hanna and Aria follow Mona around Radley. Television mental hospitals are creepy. Old, abandoned wards that used to house children are creepy. Some drugged up psycho singing and talking to herself is creepy. Add them together and what have you got – a scene I could barely watch, that is how much it freaked me out. It has all the elements of a horror film, except maybe worse because Mona is singing to herself/her dolls/Hanna and Aria who she knows are hiding in the closet. This is one of the more far-fetched moments of the series (which is really saying something!), but it's still something that will send shivers up your spine.

  2. Everything and anything involving those damn Chucky dolls So I think we can all agree, antique dolls are scary as shit. I don’t believe they were actually given to children as something fun to play with. More like as punishment for doing something bad, because those things will give you nightmares for at least a week. My aunt has a room full of antique toys, including baby dolls, and I refuse to go near it. It is literally the most haunted place I’ve ever been near. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps, because you just know that it has this really awful vibe about it.

 Anyway. So yeah, old dolls = fucking scary and creepy. Dolls that have been programmed to talk to you and you alone = horrifying. A doll that has been displayed to look like your dead friend, and programmed to say a threatening message ("Follow me, end up like me!" as the doll is dead and half-buried in a grave) = shit your pants scary. A ROOM full of dolls and doll heads that start falling on you for no apparent reason = a nightmare come to life. That creepy, maybe psychic, maybe a ghost kid who lives in the doll store = Like really. Just one of those elements would have been fine enough. No need to throw them all together. It’s okay, I didn’t need to sleep ever again.

(In the season 3 opener, this is the very first "Previously on..." flashback. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR IT. Immediately gave me the chills. The dead, coming to life voice the doll has is downright the scariest thing I have ever heard in my entire existence. Yikes.)


 And the scariest moment in PLL is......

  1. Ian's body hanging from the bell tower I picked this one as the number one scariest moment because of how downright disturbing it is. Not so much “I’m about to crap my pants in fear” kind of scary (for that, see above!), but definitely something that freaks you out the more you think about it. And if it happened to you, you would only be okay after many years of therapy. Just picture it – Ian dead after falling in the tower, his body dangling, caught up in the ropes. The bells clanging non-stop because of the weight of his body. The sound of the ropes creaking as his lifeless body swings back and forth. It’s all so unsettling. It may not be one of the flashier scary moments, but it’s the kind of sight and thought that will stick with you long after it’s over.

We're a little over a month away from the Halloween episode, which has been promised to be the scariest yet. Scarier than talking Chucky dolls and corpses hanging around in the church tower? Please, I'd like to see you try.

...on second thought, actually no.

Return to Sender: The Redux

You guys. You guys. I have an amusing online dating episode to fill you in on. With pictures! To quote Julie Andrews, let's start from the very beginning...

This morning, I wake up to this message sitting in my inbox:

Normally, I delete this messages right away, but I was intrigued. Not by what he was saying, but his persona. I wanted to see what this guy - this guy who is essentially a 10/100 for me - looked like and what his personality was like. So I clicked on his profile, and came across this gem:

I think he may be a stoner. Possibly. It's not clear. Also, I'm curious if movies or the beach have contacted him yet.

I'm not against pot - I've even done it a few times, but decided I'm a good old-fashioned girl and prefer to get hammered instead. But I'm definitely not a huge pothead and probably wouldn't date someone who is. It's just the amount of references he makes to it is hilariously absurd. (That, and he can't live without sexy underwear. I bet he looks pretty in it.)

At this point, I couldn't resist. I had a hunch, but I needed to confirm it with my own eyes. So I checked out some of his answers, and, well. See for yourself. (He's blue, I'm purple. Sorry about my terrible box drawing skills.)

Clearly a match made in heaven.

Yeeeeah. Look, if that's the kind of lifestyle you want to lead, be my guest. Seriously, I won't judge you for it. It's just that I am clearly not looking for it at this point in my life anymore. It is a little frustrating to get messages from guys who haven't put in any effort or research into messaging me, because a quick scroll through my profile tells you everything you need to know about what I'm looking for. It's such a disappointment to see someone sent you a message only to get a form letter, especially from someone whose wants and needs are so completely opposite of yours.

Still, you've got to make the best out of a bad situation. I replied, and then he messaged me back in the following exchange:

Well, at least he didn't call me ugly.

Ladies and gents, I present to you: My case for dating older guys. "Old as fuck" as I may be - I'm like 5 or 6 years older than him, depending on when his birthday is - at least I did not fail to grasp basic reading comprehension skills as this poor young chap did. My age is stated clearly on my profile and I clearly fall out of the age bracket he set for himself. I guess I should take it as a compliment that he was so blown away by my beauty, he missed my age listed right beside my profile picture?

Actually, how did he even come across my profile? We wouldn't have been matched up. I wouldn't have shown up based on his preferred age perimeters. Did he really just copy and paste that charming little message to girls who live in the same city as him? He's so desperate for a bang that his only qualification was "near by"? Eurgh. The more I think about it, the more skeezed out and less amused I am by this guy. Any residual guilt I have for even taking the bait has suddenly vanished.

Love Gods, do me a solid and send me someone who is actually cool. I think you kind of owe me.